The Long and Winding Path to a Loving Cuckold Relationship…

By:  Crystal Welch

I grew up in a VERY conservative, rural Midwest household.  I was also a late bloomer.  We lived far outside of the nearest town so I never even dated in high school. 

But college was a different story.  I found my very first boyfriend and fell head over heels in love with a handsome black man, who was an entertainer.  I would have followed him to the ends of the earth.  Was he so great or perhaps having actual sexual experience turned my head inside out?    It does not matter.  I was crazy about him.  

When the reality of whom I had fallen in love with hit my mother, her comment was:  “I’d rather see you dead”.   Racism was very alive and well in my family.  It made NO sense to me.  This comment changed my relationship with my mother forever, and I stuck with dating ONLY black men for the next 5 years.

After college, I was recruited by Playboy, so going to work for them was my first real job.  It was glamorous and exciting, and I made a boatload of money which was also fun.  I also discovered that I was  also sexually insatiable.

I married, had a child, and lived for the “house and picket fence dream”.  Unfortunately, we disconnected pretty early on, and I found monogamous marriage to be a particular kind of hell.  I’ve never been as lonely, isolated, and desperate as I was then.

After a long and ultimately failed marriage and divorce, for a time, I was 100% convinced I’d never marry again. My experience with traditional monogamous marriage was so devoid of all the things I wanted from it: companionship, sex, and connection.

I traveled around the world a few times while I rebuilt my life and my business after the divorce.   It was ten years before I seriously considered trying another partnership. But what kind of man would I work best with? Monogamy would never be a part of my life again. I would not hook myself up to a system again that expected me to just be alone when he can just as quickly lose interest, his erection, or his companionship.

So one day, I had the bright idea: I need a CUCKOLD man! A man who lived to please me and get pleasure himself from seeing me with others. How perfect is that? I did not have one idea what to expect, and I just thought I’d try.

If I were sincere, I wasn’t at all confident I’d find an AUTHENTIC cuck…. having been with possessive men all my life. But I did have a solid belief that was the best choice for me.  So like any girl, I threw up an ad on Craigslist for a cuck male.  I met my current husband there.

I knew this would be an extraordinary adventure, but it held gifts I could have never imagined!!! Here are the ten things that REALLY surprised and delighted me.

  1. The profound INTIMACY that we have found. We expected to be connected, but the level of intimacy we have reached due to being in this dynamic is electric! Full of love, respect, playfulness, and an other-worldly connection. It has produced the most loving, respectful, fun, connected relationship for both of us. Neither of us genuinely thought this was possible.
  2. Finding the right bull/bulls is HARD. I’ve always been super picky in this arena but finding a quality bull is REALLY hard. Think about it: you must have attraction, chemistry, communication, and a deep understanding of the bull responsibility and the proper way to relate to the cuck. I believe most people get their ideas about the cuck lifestyle from porn. Porn in no way represents an accurate picture of how this should go. For us, we network with other people in the lifestyle and look for recommendations.
  3. I’ve changed in ways I did not expect. I’ve always been a strong female and have been involved with FLR in the past. Possibly because of maturing or that in combination with Covid, casual hook-up sex is no longer interesting to me. I want a regular bull boyfriend. It’s good to know what I want, and I’m good at being fully transparent with all new people, so nobody wastes time building something they don’t want.
  4. . There is an almost universal misunderstanding of what erotic humiliation is. I took a class from a pro-Domme a couple of years ago. Her explanation of erotic humiliation was golden. As she explained: this need for many cuck males to be humiliated is one of the most misunderstood concepts in this lifestyle. Unlike bullying or deliberate cruelty, erotic humiliation is something completely different. It can be a healthy mechanism to release sexual shame and guilt.

5. I’ve met several Doms who thought their role was to demean and deride the cuck just because they were a cuck. As a result, I won’t play with any bull unless we have a very detailed conversation about this, and usually, until I get to know someone well, I do the humiliation.

Think about how secure the cuck male has to be to subjugate himself not only to his woman but to another man who will have sex with her. The cuck is worth all the respect in the world. So then, how do we do erotic humiliation?

In my case, I saw that my husband (who is very alpha by day and all the pressures that come with that) had a tremendous need to “lay it all down” and let somebody else be in control. It’s a vacation in his mind. The most effective humiliation and releases the most for him is my recognition that he carries a considerable amount of sexual guilt and shame about sex in general. So the thought of watching another man with me intimately, or a bull who wants him to “fluff” before, is gold for my cuck when I can call him a little sissy or faggot while he’s doing it.

Here is the truth for all of us: you can remove the “teeth” from sexual shame and guilt by simply acknowledging it.

I say these shaming things to him, then shower him with love and affection after. Voila! This self-shaming he’s done all these years is imploded. He is loved just as he is and knows I love him even more because of it. How much loyalty does he deserve because of the freedom and support he gives me? Symbiotic perfection.

5. Online dating is a minefield. Between catfishers, married lying opportunist guys, and men who are simply jerks, it takes a considerable effort to sort through them. In my case, I rule out the “fuck boys”; the “hit and run” crowd. I did not realize what a HUGE effort it would be to find a thoughtful, intelligent bull who wanted to be in a long-term dynamic with a cuck couple. They are out there but rare as a six-legged dog.

6. You’ll need to develop a solid ‘Spidey sense’ about the liars and posers. I imagine traditional dating has many of the same issues, such as the ghosters, the liars, the married liars, and all manner of a jerk in the dating pool. I think lifestyle guys are even harder to find as it requires intelligence, very high emotional intelligence, expert-level communication skills, and a sense of humor. It’s hard not to become cynical. Hang in there; however, it is infinitely worth finding.

7. Fantastic people are in this lifestyle. We are doing something adventurous this year and will attend Splash Mocha in Houston. I’ve already had fun talking with wise, tuned-in women and men. I think this crowd is a cut above because of all the reasons I’ve already written about. Respectful, informed, open-minded, sexy, and intelligent, makes for a good group, wouldn’t you agree?

Splash is a hotel that accommodates women to celebrate their sexuality with an interracial crowd. So the cucks, husbands, and bulls who love to love us will be there to participate or cheer us on. What a great opportunity! Where else can women go, be as fun and sexual as they wish, with handsome black men and women of all types? This sounds like heaven to me. I’ll be writing about my experience later, so stay tuned!

8. The path to the most fantastic sex of a lifetime. We attended Splash last year.   How can it get better than being surrounded by hordes of beautiful men who flirt and play, and your beloved cuck to celebrate right along with you? How can this get better?

The lifestyle itself is beautiful. Loving connection, humor, and sharing our experiences bring us so close. I did not see all this coming!

9. Our perfect bull is likely to be in some other State. This fact makes it complicated and challenging. I’ve adjusted to the fact we are not likely to find him in our city. I did not expect a serious conversation with my hubs about moving to another State or what it would take to find someone who would move with us. We are determined, however!10.  Don’t get discouraged. I’ve had to give this advice to myself many times. I know it’s worth it, and so we continue.  My dear cuck is always there to listen to my boyfriend woes. That’s part of the fun! With any luck, that will be his reward in the days to come.

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Owner & Creator of the Lifestylers Magazine, a place to read "Everything Lifestyle, By The Lifestylers" and a husband to a Hotwife...

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