The Most Common FemDom Kinks

I find that virtually all men want to please. It is fairly rare to find so selfish a man that, when faced with a beautiful woman he wants to impress in bed, does not think about about making her feel good. I realize there are generational and cultural variations on this, and that men can also adopt at “using” mindset where their female partner is dehumanized to the point where they don’t care at all about her pleasure. But if we’re talking about the average man, generally, they do want to be good lovers. If they are hung, they take pride in their ability to please that way. If they are not, they develop compensating talents, with their mouths and fingers. Submissive men tend to be less hung, or to perceive themselves that way even if not the case, and so intentionally cultivate their oral skills. But I often ask bulls who are hung, with a bit of a laugh, whether they’ve ever bothered to learn to eat pussy, or they’ve just relied on that big tool to get them through life. And the truth is that almost all of them will say that they like to lick too. 

I think of this as corollary to a woman sucking cock…..I love it; most women who take sex seriously, who aim to be good and competent lovers, do too. Especially faced with a big, beautiful, thick, smooth piece of meat, you salivate….you want to show off your skills, to see the man’s response. There is power in that…..in making someone feel good….in the moment that you are doing it, they are entirely in your control, they belong to you. That is generally a dominant man’s mindset as well when it comes to giving good oral.

For submissive men, who often feel sexually insecure or inferior, providing competent oral, eliciting an orgasm in response, is very empowering and gratifying too. It is a way to claw back some of the pride otherwise missing. To feel of value and of use to a beautiful woman. To overcome what is otherwise lacking — perhaps not having a big enough cock, a muscular enough body, a handsome enough face. It earns them a place with a woman they desire. I’ve often said something along these lines to a submissive, usually with a laugh, with the intent to humiliate…..”No way someone like you could ever get to touch someone like me, other than on your knees, with your cock hidden or caged, and your mouth open and your tongue licking. It is a good thing that you figured this out and have leaned into it, have learned to lick so well.” Submissive men respond really well to this because it validates what they know to be true about their inferiority, tells them they’ve chosen the right role, and also pays them a much valued compliment. I consider this sort of interaction a gift to the submissive ego….I am trying to make someone feel happy and good about himself.

Body worship comes in many forms, clearly, from foot worship (which I may perhaps cover separately in another column), to worship of armpits or other body parts. But the most common is of course worship of the typical erogenous zones….breasts and nipples, the ass and the pussy. And though worship can happen via gazing, massage, etc., the most common form of worship is with the mouth. From a submission posture standpoint, it is often ideal for the man to kneel between his domme’s legs, and sometimes even better to have her sitting on his face, putting some weight down on him (breath play can be involved too), essentially surrounding him with pussy, covering him with her juices as she gets wetter and wetter in response and finally orgasms, either with or without “squirting”. Watersports, which I will cover separately in a future column as well, can also have some role in pussy worship and face sitting, as piss, especially if quite clear, can be just a way to be even more wet and covered in pussy.

Pussy worship, oral, face-sitting…..these are kinks made for the benefit of women! Studies have shown that as many as 70% of women cannot orgasm without clitoral stimulation, from vaginal penetration alone. I fall into that group. Moreover, so many women are self conscious about their smell, taste, the shape or appearance of their vulva or labia, their pubic hair. So many are not confident enough to let a man lick them for as long as it takes to orgasm, or to direct him and tell him what to do to make it work, much less to climb up and sit on his face. Doing all of those things is incredibly empowering, however, so I recommend them highly. It is even better when a man is bound or tied or cuffed during this, either on his knees, or on his back, with his cock (caged or not) exposed to be either teased or tortured, or both. As should be obvious, this is pretty much my favorite kink in the domme repertoire, as it brings me the greatest pleasure, and allows me many ways to give both pleasure and pain and humiliation in return….it is a very mutually beneficial sort of kink, which is the best kind! 

I would advise any aspiring domme (really any woman at all….but since this is a column from a domme’s perspective) to embrace pussy worship and face sitting as a way to take the power and control during a sexual encounter, in a fairly low impact way. It is also psychologically very healthy for women to feel desired in this way, to be validated about how desirable their taste, smell, and shape is. A big boon for one’s self-acceptance. And very much a gift to men, to submissive men who want to feel dominated and overpowered in this way, and to all men, who want to give a woman pleasure. Just within the last few months I have heard from several boys how much they loved my reactions to oral, how loud and expressive I am (be as loud as you want….that’s part of the fun and the power!), how my body/legs shake, how swollen I get in their mouths, how much I leak onto their faces. They’d never experienced a woman responding this way to them (granted, they are all quite young, the way I like them….) and it was such a turn-on for them. This is just an especially beautiful, gentle sort of domination and submission play that can give such physical and also psychological pleasure (acceptance, appreciation and validation on both sides). It’s a great Femdom kink to try out first!