From Mommy to Domme

I have been extraordinarily lucky to have an incredibly healthy relationship with my own body, with my desires, with my overall sexuality. I think this confidence and self assurance, coupled with my creativity and my naturally very dominant personality, has no doubt fed into my domme identity, developed over many, many years. Everything I do today feels extremely natural to me and is very genuine and authentic and aligned with who I am. 

I was born in the capital city of an Eastern European country, back when that country was part of the Soviet Union. I am certain that coming from a less religious and less puritanical place than the US set a healthier foundation for me with respect to sex. I emigrated to America as a child with my family and was raised in New York. My parents did not have a good marriage, they fought a lot. My father has been an alcoholic most of his life, often angry and violent. He was possessive and they were quite codependent. But sex was one area my parents connected well on. They were very passionate, and he was very vocal in his desire for, and appreciation of, her as a woman, and that probably kept them together for years and decades longer than they should have stayed married. But it was something I saw and noted as a child….they definitely had sexual energy and made time for sex (they’d say, “don’t come in, we’re discussing the finances” and then giggle) and they were passionate (they broke their bed once!). One set of my grandparents also had a very sexual connection and my grandmother talked about how nothing was taboo or dirty, not oral, not anal, as long as you did it in the context of love. These were people born between the two world wars, so it’s pretty amazing how open they were! My other set of grandparents were not well matched physically and they didn’t really enjoy their sex life — this grandmother confessed that she wasn’t sure she’d EVER had an actual orgasm, that maybe a few times she felt that she had “come close”. But they were definitely the exception in our family, not the norm, and I felt so badly for her, that she’d never had the confidence to “own” her own pleasure. Everyone in my family is highly educated and everyone likes to talk and is open — my parents would joke that you should always talk to your kids about sex, because then you’ll learn new and interesting things!! I was also the oldest child in my family and the only child for many years so I was included naturally in all the adult conversations. And my parents were young when they had me so I was almost partly a friend and not just a daughter and they talked to me that way. So I was exposed to adult conversation early on and sexuality was something that was normalized and not shameful in our family. By the time I was about 13 and being asked on dates, my parents were just focused on talking to me about safety, and were generally supportive. And by that age I was masturbating often and really enjoying my body. I probably had my first orgasm around age 11, around the same time to had my first period. My grandparents had a book in their house of semi-erotic fine art, classic nudes, and it was the first thing I looked at that turned me on, and I squeezed my thighs together to feel that tingling between my legs. 

We had our first real kiss together, with tongue. Within a few weeks, he was sucking on my nipples and licking my pussy….very giving! 

In addition to having been lucky with my family, I was even more extraordinarily lucky in that my first serious relationship was with the man who is now my husband and the father of my kids, my partner for almost 25 years. After a few early crushes and a few dates and “relationships” with boys, where we mostly fumbled and kissed and nothing really happened, with my first real boyfriend, when I was 14, a few months from my 15th birthday, it was completely different! We were well matched, both smart, both sexual, both creative, both open minded. We had our first real kiss together, with tongue. Within a few weeks, he was sucking on my nipples and licking my pussy….very giving! The first time I was naked in front of him and he went down on me, he went home and then called me to make sure I was ok with everything that had happened….very thoughtful! And soon I was reciprocating and sucking cock and loving it. I was a latchkey kid, so the house was empty after school and he would ride his bike (until he got his license and car) over to play after school. And at night he’d sneak into my yard and tap on the window so I could show him my breasts….like Romeo & Juliet, but kinkier! Being me, I wrote him a multi-page letter a few months into the relationship with pictures/diagrams, explaining to him how I wanted to be eaten out, what he should do with his tongue for me. Over time, we both got better and better at sex, more confident, practicing on each other. We had said we’d wait until we were together a year to have sex, but I turned 15 and we only got to our 5 month anniversary and I gave in! And he was so loving and concerned about me, he made it a positive experience. From there, we just kept growing together, experimenting with fantasies, toys, outfits, role play, etc., while our peers in high school were still fumbling around blindly, trying to get to second base. In the pre-Amazon days, we were going into NYC to shop at sex shops, we were getting new ideas from my father’s Penthouse and Playboy magazines (in the Forum and the Advisor columns), we were becoming really proficient. We would rent a room at a local motel (with a hot tub and a disco ball) so that we could have more privacy and experiment and be loud!

It was as this proficiency developed that my true sexual nature started to reveal itself. I like to say that I have been a domme since birth. I have always been who I am. The strongest personality in the room, intimidating others with my intellect (though certainly not with my size, at 5’2) and intensity. I’m this person at work, at home, with family and friends; the leader, the driver, the decision maker, the responsible party. As a small child I was an instigator, convincing playmates do to things (not always good things, often naughty things). I found early on that people listened to me, that I could usually convince them to do whatever I wanted, and I enjoyed the power of that from the beginning. By age 10/11, some of the instigation did become more sexual…..I remember convincing a neighborhood boy to show us group of girls his little penis, and looking and leading the other girls in laughter! 

So, as I got older and more sexually experienced early on with my wonderful boyfriend, I very naturally wanted to use this experience on others. My boyfriend, who was much more vanilla than me, wasn’t initially keen on my desire for non-monogamy, but he ultimately followed along. And I leaned in! Feeling like an “expert”, I became a teacher: I reveled in initiating others, showing them something new. Showing one teenage boy his first pussy up close, giving another his first proper blow job (after climbing on top of him and holding him down and making him feel owned), taking another’s virginity…..such a power trip each time. While so many of my peers were still fumbling around sexually, I felt like a lithe predator…..taking what I wanted, where I wanted, leaving indelible memories in my wake. I loved popping cherries, facilitating all sorts of firsts. I notched quite a few boys’ virginities in high school….all of them friends. It was a thrill to get there first and leave my mark forever. My boyfriend had a few experiences of his own, though not as many as me. Through it all, our relationship remained primary, and after I graduated from high school and he got his Associates Degree, we moved out together, I started college, and we eloped! 

In college, I was a very young wife, albeit it one in quite an open marriage, living in New York City rather than in the suburbs where we had grown up. And it was at this time that I started to feel my bi-curiosity for the first time. After a few formative experiences with women, on my own and with my very young husband (who was delighted to oblige this experimentation), I found myself teaching again….loving the power of seducing a girl for her first girl-on-girl experience. Dozens of girls over those college years. Like a bit of a siren, awakening other people’s fantasies.

I found that I was an exhibitionist, loved having public performative sex at parties with the crowd watching. I also found that I was naturally dominant with both men and women

As a young adult, a graduate student, during my early professional years, before we had children, I continued in the same vein. I had an amazing much older lover for over 8 years and with both my husband and my lover, I kept pushing boundaries and gathering new experiences. With them (and on my own) I went to sex clubs, belonged to members-only play groups, experienced MFF and MFM threesomes as well as full swap/swinging , tried out foot fetish parties and public sex, hosted some semi-kinky events at home, did some sex tourism (in Amsterdam, Bangkok and many other places) — lots of fun experiences. I found that I was an exhibitionist, loved having public performative sex at parties with the crowd watching. I also found that I was naturally dominant with both men and women — at best I could top from the bottom with my husband and lover, but I could never be a sub. Also, because pleasure is much more clitoris-driven for me, I’ve always preferred oral to penetration, so kinks like face-sitting and pussy worship were made for me. At the same time, I have always taken pride in my own sexual skills, my ability to get someone off…..as there is so much power in blowing someone’s mind with an incredibly proficient and memorable experience that they’ll long to have again and use as a reference point to compare other experiences to. I love doing something to someone that will allow me to live rent-free in their head for a long time. 

Today, at nearly 40, I feel that I am at the peak of my sexuality and my dominance. I took a very long break from the lifestyle in my late 20s and most of my 30s for consecutive pregnancies, breastfeeding for years, co-sleeping with babies (while also building my career), all of which had left me with very little libido. I sort of regret now that I didn’t try out any fetish play during those years, from pregnancy kinks to breastfeeding kinks, but the truth is that my body didn’t feel like it belonged to me, and I wasn’t much in the mood to play. But now I am on the other side of all that, having lost 80-90 lbs from the pregnancy years, and post a full mommy-makeover (breast lift and tummy tuck), and my body is very much mine again. And I am using it in the way I have naturally always been inclined to —  exerting sexual power over others! These days, I have found FetLife, which is a great new virtual playground for me. I only joined a few years ago, I was very much a latecomer to it. Having grown up in the days of Craigslist NSA, AdultFriendFinder, LavaLife, and NYC swing clubs and parties, I enjoy the directness of Fet, the ability to zero in on exactly those kinks and fetishes that are of most interest. And what has been of most interest has certainly been domination. So many delicious subby boys available, many so young. And so many new firsts….first time bound, first time collared, first time plugged, caged, pegged, first time pissed on, first time being “forced” into bi play: sucking cock, getting sucked, tasting another man’s cum. All these beautiful young boys looking for an authentic domme, a sensual domme, a firm domme, a mommy domme. All looking to be told what to do, to be of service, to be used, to be forced, to have their fantasies brought to life. This is very hard for me to resist, so my network grows, and playtime becomes more frequent and more interesting over time. I mainly focus on small group play, designed to happen on my schedule, so that it can fit in with my responsibilities to my family (my kids are school aged and becoming more independent over time) and to my work (my career continues to scale up in an exciting way). I play near my office on days that I come into the city, and can take a long lunch break between meetings, and I play in the suburbs when I work from home. My husband and I also host scenes at home which involve female subs or cuck couples — he is straight so for him to join my play there needs to be another woman in the room. I’ve also dabbled with domestic service subs at home, which has been an interesting dynamic. 

I don’t necessarily know where my journey will take me next. As ever, my primary focus is my family and my career, but I love having kink play as an outlet for my energy and creativity. I keep things very casual for now, but I have thought about developing deeper connections, about ownership. As my kids grow and spend more time away from home, there will also be more opportunities to have in-home service or to even keep slaves for extended periods, which is something that also interests me. I do find that these days, I prefer to steer clear of organized events and parties…..I like my privacy, I like play on my own time and on my own terms, I like to design and control every scene. I am grateful that so many people are ready to make themselves available to me as resources to live out my fantasies (and theirs!). I also enjoy documenting play and sharing it with the FetLife community — it is a way to be an exhibitionist while staying anonymous and protecting my vanilla life. It is also a way to share my style of domination, which has very nurturing elements and which many people seem to respond to. Over time, I will continue to write and share my views on those things that I identify with – pansexuality, polyamory, and domination. Feel free to follow me on FetLife (@SeaAphrodite) to learn more.