So, you’ve confessed your desires to your wife — you want her to have sex with other men — she’s agreed in principle, so now… how is it all going to work?

Or, to put it another way, once she’s found a man, how is she going to go about making love with him and what are you going to be doing while she does it?

It might seem a bit stilted, square and awkward to be asking these clinical questions upfront, but, believe me, they are absolutely necessary to ask and to answer before you can safely navigate the emotional minefield the hotwife lifestyle can so easily become.

So to give you a nudge in what I hope is a hopeful direction, here are three simple scenarios for couples new to hotwiving (you can also use these as ideas when first introducing your wife to the idea of getting into the lifestyle).

1. She makes love with her new lover in private

Many women, especially when they’re new to hotwiving, prefer to have sex to their new lovers in private, whether that’s in the marital bed, her new lover’s bed or in a hotel room.

There are many reasons for this, but there are two common two ones.

The first is a natural desire for privacy (making love in front of anyone else is very unusual in our society and making love in front of your spouse is even more unusual)

And the second reason, following on from the first one, is a vague feeling of uneasiness that she’s cheating on her husband.

Now, she’s not cheating on him, of course, because not only has he agreed to it willingly, but in most cases he’s actually the driving force behind it.

But you can’t rationalise emotions away, and this is a feeling most women have at some point or other.

Unfortunately, for most men this isn’t what the fantasy is about. Often, the big kick for men with hotwifes is being involved to the extent they are present and can enjoy the eroticism.

So, for some men it’s a good compromise when…

2. She lets you listen

A typical scenario here is, say, she brings her new lover home and takes him to the marital bed while leaving her husband in another bedroom (or vice versa, where she takes her lover to the spare room and leaves hubby alone in the marital bed).

The idea here is he can hear everything that’s going on but is not actually present. The advantage for his wife here is she can relax and really let herself go, and perhaps almost forget her husband is there, or at least out it out of her mind.

I, personally, find this exquisite, in some ways even better than being allowed to watch my wife with her lover. Women actually seem to love it, too, and will often be deliberately loud and naughty because they know you are listening.

When Josselyn comes back to our room to me after I have heard her doing this, it’s almost impossible for me to keep my hands off her (although sometimes she’s too tired to do anything).

On other occasions she will stay with him all night — and there’s nothing quite like being woken from a deep sleep by the sounds of your wife making love to another man in the next room, after they’ve woken up themselves falling asleep after their first “session”.

3. She lets you watch

This is the ultimate turn on for most men, but perhaps the hardest to get your wife to agree to, especially in the beginning.

On balance, though, most couples find, long term, this is the most satisfactory way of doing it, long term.

The reason is most men simply enjoy it. This, for them, is really what hotwiving is all about (women usually find if they don’t let their men watch, they only end up having to describe everything in exquisite and sometimes maddening and repetitive detail afterwards!).

And for woman, most usually discover the knowledge they are being watched by their husbands gives them an unexpected rush of erotic pleasure. Far from being reticent and inhibited by their husbands’ presence, they often actually find they become more liberated and adventurous because they know they are not only doing this for themselves, but they’re doing it to please their man, too.

Many women have said they will do things with their lover in front of their husbands they won’t actually do with their husbands.

Of course, there is no right and wrong way to do any of this beyond what works for you as a couple.

Author: Erasmus Crowe @hotwifeguide.com