From Girl, to Hotwife, My Best Lifestyle Journey…
So, I now have written maybe 5 erotic articles for Lifestylers Magazine, I have to say after writing my first one, I enjoyed it so much that I kept on writing. They all bring back the great memories we have experienced in the lifestyle. Once I read GenieWishes Tell All Story “Good Girl Gone Bad…?” & Mrs- HWCouple702 Cover Story “Lifestyle from 1.0-3.0 From Wife to Hotwife”, it inspired me to also write my own tell all story and lifestyle journey. So here I go…
I’m currently in my early 50’s ugggg! HaHa and was born in a small town in the mid-west. I am the youngest of 3 siblings and my parents were divorced when I was 3 years old. I don’t remember much at that time; all I remember is one day I woke up and my mom had left me to my dad. Both my parents were alcoholics but life for me still seemed to be normal life. As I was growing up, spending time with my mom was far and between, there were days she wouldn’t show up, there were days we spent with her and she was drunk on the floor, there just weren’t very many good days. Both my parents soon got sober, and life had started a new journey, not necessarily a good experience but not as much extreme drama.
My mother was a feminist, she wasn’t going to be controlled by men EVER and she went through life with multiple failed marriages and became a man hater. She now is in her 70’s and lives by herself. I grew up as a young female without very good role models in life to help empower me, find myself, my independence, sexuality and over all feel good about myself as a female. I hid in the shadows and tried not to stand out and draw attention to myself, spent most of my childhood feeling lonely and confused. I wore baggy clothes, had terrible manly looking haircuts, wore loose bras, you get the picture.
I started having sex with guys because I wanted to feel the feeling of being wanted, being loved. I never enjoyed sex, didn’t feel I was good at it, and always felt that I was there for the man’s pleasure.
Growing up I didn’t have very many friends, I surrounded myself with one good friend at a time, and this one friend followed me all the way into high school. I was not popular, and she was less popular, but we tried going to parties in high school but again, would always just hide out together and not socialize and get to know people. I did start dating in high school but seemed to always pick guys who didn’t really like me for me, they saw me as a withdrawn young female where they could get some quick sex out of me and no emotional ties, and that’s what started happening. I started having sex with guys because I wanted to feel the feeling of being wanted, being loved. I never enjoyed sex, didn’t feel I was good at it, and always felt that I was there for the man’s pleasure. The one thing sexually I had was good at was giving blow jobs. My sister taught me at an early age and told me when giving blow jobs “always suck them off until they cum and swallow every time”. Although this did give me a false sense of control, I did like sucking cock because of it, I was good at something sexual. The realization though is, this wasn’t working for me emotionally either I just didn’t know it at the time.
I finally got a stable boyfriend in my junior year in high school, this relationship lasted for about 3 years. I did finally feel I found someone who loved me for me, but now when I look back on it this also was a false emotional feeling. See he was more withdrawn socially then I was, and he was extremely a jealous person. But I remember thinking, he must really love me because he wants to keep me locked in his little box, so this must be what love is all about.
After graduating from High School, my dad and stepmom had my bags packed and said, “have a good life” and sent me on my way. I ended up moving in with my boyfriend and entered community college still not sure what I wanted to do with my life. My siblings were going to 4-year universities and in relationships that ended up in marriages, so I felt my destiny was probably with this man for the rest of my life. Then it happened… I ended up cheating on my boyfriend with a man that also just wanted me for sex, but this was a familiar feeling, so I went with it, but this time it was different. I decided I couldn’t live like this anymore and had to find myself. My boyfriend never found out about my cheating, but I came home and told him “I have to go visit my mom in California for the summer”, knowing that I would either find myself and come back to him, or never look back ever. Let’s face it, I knew deep inside I needed to get away and wasn’t coming back.So, I packed up my stuff and drove to California by myself at 18 years old to start a new life and stay with my mom. This alone was a horrible idea, “Staying with my mom? What was I thinking” and I was right it didn’t go as planned. My mom spent the next few days telling me “To never trust men” and “you need to get your life together and find somewhere else to live” and so I did. First, I rented a room from a local homeowner, got a job as a waitress, registered to go back to school and started my new life in California.
The True Start of my New Life
I loved California, the palm trees, the weather I truly thought I had found a new outlook on life, and I did. One thing I remember as a young girl was my vision of my future husband, growing up I always pictured my man would be tall, blond hair, blue or green eyes, didn’t drink extensively or do drugs, this was my ideal man, and I was going to find him here in California. That’s when I met my husband, I met him when I was 20 years old and we have been together ever since, and guess what? He is 5’6”, a recovering drug addict/ alcoholic, black hair, brown eyes, and when I met him, he had a pack of cigarettes rolled up in the sleeve of his shirt, rings on almost every finger, hair pulled back in a ponytail, should I go on…? So, what was it? Was it just a sexual thing? Was it his bad boy appearance thing which I’ve never seen before coming from a small town, only saw this on happy days? I’m sure it was a mixture of all of this, but, I had just found a man who was interested in knowing everything about me, he asked about my life, my family, growing up, this was so different from any of my past experiences with men. I soon realized that this was the emotional attraction that I have been searching for my entire life, and sexuality had nothing to do with it.
“hey I brought a polaroid camera with me, let’s go hiking and find a secluded spot and take some sexy pics of you”
One trip we did together stands out in my mind which ended up being a large part of the enjoyment we currently have in the Lifestyle and helped me start building my confidence and finding my sexuality. We went on a weekend trip camping up in the local mountains. After we had been there for a day, my future husband said, “hey I brought a polaroid camera with me, let’s go hiking and find a secluded spot and take some sexy pics of you”. I said “sure” although I felt very nervous, I had never posed for a camera before as a model let alone being naked, and at that time I didn’t even consider myself sexy. But regardless we found a nice rock and secluded area and he encouraged me to take off my clothes. This was so erotic to me, I loved the feeling being out in the open and being naked, and possibly getting caught was extremely exciting. He was extremely wonderful, coaching me how to shape my body, telling me how sexy I was, and it was starting to turn me on. I was feeling sexy for one of the first times in my life. My head was spinning, and we ended up having passionate sex right out in the open during the day, one of the most erotic times of my life at the time.
Within a year, we were living together and within 3 years we were married, I was 23 years old, and my husband was 30 years old, and a year later we had our first Lifestyle experience which was in 1994. In the past we watched porn, which for me was the first time ever, but our sex together was so much different then in the past. It was romantic, emotional, sensual, erotic… I even found myself fantasizing during sex of images from the porn videos we watched. This got us to start and talk more about our sexual fantasies, it was awkward at first because never in my past relationships with men could I ever discuss a fantasy of having sex with other people even whether it was a man or women. We learned so much about each other sexually and personally from communicating about this, it was completely refreshing but unfamiliar. I was always waiting for something to backfire, I waited for my husband to all of sudden lose it, tell me “How could you think like that”, “how could you possibly fantasize about others”. These things in my head were from my past relationships with men and getting no nurturing from my mother. But it never happened from him.
In 1994, there was no such thing as a Lifestyle website to go to, no chatting online, the Lifestyle was extremely underground at the time, but it had this naughty, sexy emotion about it. My husband, is extremely outgoing, very flirtatious, very open and direct, loves debating about many topics, he was so intriguing to me. We soon met a couple we became friends with, and conversations opened up sexually about the Lifestyle, and they had already had an experience and seemed like the perfect friends to indulge into this Lifestyle with. We set up a time to go out to dinner then back to their house and swap wives together, I of course was extremely nervous, again asking myself “what if I enjoy this sex better then with my husband”, “what if my husband likes her better”, “what if my husband freaks out of the vision of me getting fucked by this man”, who by the way had a bigger cock than my husband. None of this happened, but what did happen is that my friends husband fucked me much different than the love making I have with my husband. I did enjoy it, but I also felt ashamed that I did enjoy it, and this shame was out of fear that I would upset my husband’s feelings. Again, this never happened, what did happen is we talked for hours about the experience we had more uncontrollable erotic sex with each other, and I felt closer to this person I call the love of my life than I have ever felt for anyone in the past.
This was uncomfortable at first for me, but soon I found myself in sexual situations wanting more…, wanting more cock, wanting more hard pounding sex, wanting to experience multiple sex partners, GB, DP, even LANA sex (anal).
Ever since this first experience with our friends we enjoyed many more times with them, and experimented in both of our fantasies, we did 3-way hall passes, I had played with my first women ever in my life. We started meeting other couples and soon found some websites coming up like Adult Friend Finder. We thought WOW! At the time this is awesome, but soon realized after finding other sites that Adult Friend Finder was like a craigslist of crazies. At the beginning I still had the attitude that I was here for the man’s pleasure, it just seemed more OK though since it was just sex, and not searching for love. My husband did start encouraging me to be more selfish in our sexual experiences, especially once we started dabbling into single men. This was uncomfortable at first for me, but soon I found myself in sexual situations wanting more…, wanting more cock, wanting more hard pounding sex, wanting to experience multiple sex partners, GB, DP, even LANA sex (anal). I found that I could allow myself to relax and enjoy and have multiple orgasms.
Then my 40th birthday gift, which was my first BBC, I wrote about this experience here in Lifestylers Magazine article titled “40th Birthday Gift… BBC”. This experience was before the term HOTWIFE was even Hotwife created and seemed the most natural place for us to land our journey in the Lifestyle. See my husband always has my well-being in mins first and foremost. He truly has the “Happy Wife, Happy Life” mentality, and has been watching me get fucked by hot, hung sexy men now for over 10-years, always keeping his camera and iPhones at hand. I no longer wait for my husband to freak out while watching me get fucked and having incredible sexual experiences. I find myself today making my sexual fantasies come true, is giving to my husband something very few can do. Our afterglow sex my husband and I have after my lover has just fucked the HELL out of me is so extremely passionate, and sometimes lasts for days after…
We finally ended up on Kasidie which is now our Lifestyle home, but along the way we experienced so much, we grew together. I even had an exclusive girlfriend for about a year, we tried the poly lifestyle for about 2 months, we did hall passes in separate hotel rooms, separate cities, separate states. We had good experiences, we had some bad experiences, but all our experiences have created who we are today, extremely In-love, honest, compassionate, sensual, erotic, trusting and our lifestyle journey is a huge part of our love for each other. We have now been together for over 31 years together, and 28 of those years in the Lifestyle, my husband has 33 years clean & sober, we have careers, kids, a home, family, and friends, but all of this we achieved with the help that the lifestyle has giving to our lives.
Caveat to the End of this Journey
I hope you enjoyed my Tell All Story, and here is the remarkable fact and twist about this. THIS WAS WRITTEN BY MY HUSBAND…
I hope you enjoyed my Tell All Story, and here is the remarkable fact and twist about this. THIS WAS WRITTEN BY MY HUSBAND… My husband wrote this story without even telling me he was going to write it, then one day I came home from work, and he asked, “will you read this for me and tell me what you think”. As I read it, emotions started to take over, first I was wondering “Why the heck is he writing my story”. The sad emotions were not because my childhood was sad, not because I didn’t like reading the person I was growing up. It was because this story was true and right on point. And the only way my husband knew it was true is because he cared enough, loved me so much that over the years he asked, he listened, he empowered, He encouraged, He respected me, he never judged me, and he accepted me for who I am. This is what striving to live your best lifestyle is supposed to be like. We communicate, we share, we experience, we trust, we love.
After I read it and looked at him with tears in my eyes he said, “I love you more today than I did yesterday, and I will love you more tomorrow than I do today”. Then he said, “Well now will you fuck someone this weekend?”
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